It was 6:15am when my alarm clock gave out its one last pathetic trill, signalling the batteries were spent. I was awake to hear it. The usual excitement I have upon waking because I have gotten another day on planet earth, had a shadow sulking overhead. I was a bit rattled by the previous night. My breath was clunky. All the previous day I’d been ‘on form’, feeling useful to Chrissy..the sun was going all out to make everything look like it was under a display cabinet…I’d got some ‘kitchen time’, chopping, stirring and I’d got going on some serious two handed mixing of canary yellow corn bread batter for the party in the Lodge. I was fit to burst with ideas for my foodie blog www.aveganobsession.blogspot.com and have even adjusted some html coding to make it a bit more super duper and I felt it was germinating into a tangible business I could sweep some time into. My visions of the website whipping up a constant river of income to fuel my lifestyle was fingertip close…I began ‘stats’ watching. ‘Ohhh, someone in Malaysia was looking’..I clicked on the NOW button in the blog’s hub and a little peek and a patch of pastel green on the ‘who’s looking at you kid’ map was signalling a Russian person had MY blog on THEIR screen right at that moment..Oooh blumey, I got such a thrill from it I logged on all throughout the day to see if I’d gone global! I know…..I got carried away on a pillow of ‘hopes and dreams’…Everything was/IS great. But I woke feeling blue.
I carried out my morning rituals, then grabbed breakfast and sat to watch the TV. BREAKING NEWS was ticker taping along the bottom of the screen. Japan had been rocked by an 8.9 earthquake and a resulting tsunami. Pictures on the TV showed cars, looking like they’ve the weight of a matchbox, hitting into one another and being lifted by a a wash of grey water carrying tons of debris, boats and even a building!. My heart reached for the people who’s lives have been taken in such a horrifying way, and for the people left behind to pick up their lives again and, eventually, carry on…..altered. Only last week my beloved New Zealand felt the shudder of nature and was mourning the loss of lives, livelihood and their everyday comfort. It seems Nature is always the victor. To take things for granted and not enjoy everyday, not stay alert, mindful…surely is wasteful? Should we prepare, make contingency plans… then just get on with life, hope for the best. Is it not a bit crazy that people choose to live on land that gets swept clean by wind, rocked by tectonic plates, scrubbed bare by water and fire, frozen, dried and even decimated by our own hands? My mind struggles with this AND with the overriding memory of yesterday and the performer who had entertained us by the fire. He performed a remarkable true to life rendition of John Denver, complete with wig and rounded spectacles, whilst Chrissy’s friends ate bowls of chili and gossiped. Three adorable children had bobbed energetically, out of step with beat. All this was great….heart engorging stuff…he just went on, and on……and on. This guy was an unstoppable force, song after song and then gushing out stories to anyone in his vicinity, his energy almost knocking me sideways.. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was exactly but I was drained from his onslaught. So what was it this morning that took the sunshine from my gut? I was annoyed I had not handled the situation well, I’d got out of his way as much as I could, made excuses and busied myself with the clean up. I kicked myself for staying in his path when my insides told me to stay away. But I was trying to be sociable. He sounded interesting, he’d had adventures in Israel and with archeological digs….. but somehow his energy clashed with mine. So, why….WHY do I think of this insignificant detail? A pea sized blip in my memory of an altogether beautiful day, when I have this horror…this knowledge that nature has reminded us of its force once again? I cannot say. It is ABSURD. My nick picking over tiny irritations admidst real-time chaos in Japan. It worries me that ‘anything’ can happen. But what is the answer? Live life worrying about everything? Would then life ceased to be lived? So I guess we all just get on with it…fault lines, tornado paths and drought or not. But I can’t help feeling guilty of the dramatisation of my micro events, when pockets of the world suffers. I’m counting my blessings…and they are innumerable, from the perfection of my atoms who harmoniously congregate to make ‘me’, to the kindness of Chrissy whose good heart has made space for me to live my dream awhile in amongst her family and friends and the spruce and pine.
I just got on with the day..what else could I do? I sat on the deck at the whole food store, chatted to Cathy the cook who feeds my stomach and my mind, Katie and Toyah the girls at the store who came here to live simple lives…they are nice to be around. Back at the Lodge Chrissy had her mom and pa visiting. They came armed with bags of soccer ball sized oranges, freshly picked from their land. Her mom was dressed in beige, fawn, cream….a gilet of soft fake fur, her hair a froth of white. She seemed to be viewed through a soft focus lens. They didn’t stay long..were gone in a puff.
My day ended stopping by to see Steve, the used book store owner and town trash man. He made me laugh, making Playdoh of my words and turning a joke. A nice, gentle man. He appears as soft as the big teddy bear that sits. head buried in its huge stomach, regular as day, on a wooden chair outside the store. That’s Bubba. The stars seemed brighter tonight. The moon higher, its smile fuller. People still filled up the car park to the town’s most popular bistro, and the group staying in the Lodge for the weekend happily scoffed on mash potatoes and chicken. The place felt peaceful again.
I pray for them.