Vulnerable = victory

A new website (well, new to me) caught my eye whilst being a silent witness on the ‘people’s atrium’ (Twitter)…people watching for the Noughties… www.lifehacker.com   It seems to have a wealth of interesting to me at this point.  I wanted to share it here..So I totally have stolen it…cut and paste it..word for word!

Use Your Vulnerability and Accept the Unknown to Improve Your Overall Well-Being

Use Your Vulnerability and Accept the Unknown to Improve Your Overall Well-Being We inherently have this fear of being known, but still want to be loved, be happy, and successful in what we do. The problem is, as Dr. Brene Brown—a researcher of human connection—points out, without embracing vulnerability and uncertainty we can’t truly have any of those things we want.

We’ve discussed uncertainty before, pointing out that it makes for better ideas and overall plans. Accepting the unknown for what it is appears to create happier people, as well. In Brown’s TED talk (see video above), her research found that people who felt deserving of love, belonging, happiness, and success in life (however they define it) had a few common beliefs. They felt that the things that made them vulnerable made them better and beautiful. They believed that what they didn’t know was scary but also exciting and important. They wouldn’t hesitate to say “I love you” first, or acting when there were no guarantees. It wasn’t necessarily they didn’t fear the outcome, but that they believed the risk was worth it since they deserved the potential reward.

When summarizing what Brown has to say, it can sometimes come across as a little sappy, but the reality of her findings from years of study is more a fascinating look at human struggle than what you’d find on a greeting card. While you’ve probably heard that you need to let go, be yourself, and feel deserving of love in order to receive it, you’ve also possibly ignored these because they sound like an excessively emotional destination to which you don’t want to travel. In some ways that may be true—being vulnerable will lead to more emotions, but you don’t want to stay in a place where you’re numbing yourself and ignoring what really exists as a part of who you are.

Ultimately you have to—as Brown puts it—accept that you’re imperfect, hard-wired for struggle, but still worthy of love and belonging. If you need some tangible proof, think of the person you feel closest to and ask yourself if they’re also the person who knows you the best. If you want to make an effort to accept your vulnerability and the unknown with other people in your life, just try being honest about little things that scare you. Give your real opinion about a movie you liked that everyone else hated or thank someone for something you never thanked them for. It’s not an easy or short process, but to get started you have to take the first step.

Brene Brown: The Power of Vulnerability | TED

What did you feel/think when you read this?

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4 Responses to Vulnerable = victory

  1. Craig says:

    Love TED. I saw this heart warming talk by Brene about 6 months ago. We as humans, are so prone to decision fatigue ( see http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/21/magazine/do-you-suffer-from-decision-fatigue.html?pagewanted=all ), so the more future “faux-certainty” we try to encompass in our plans, the more faux-decisions we need to make in the present in order to deal with that future “faux certainty”. If we let the future just BE uncertain, then we can be OK with fewer decisions now that would probably turn out to be wrong anyway. How many times have you finally made a decision (either purposely or by default) to simple not decide and then found it to be the best decision in the long run?

    • indialeigh says:

      I guess it’s an education to discover when the feeling is ‘right’ to go with your decision. Perhaps if we explored and deeply questioned ourselves we may find out why we were reticent to jump. I am begining to find that not making a decision when it doesn’t feel congruent is a bit like letting myself off the hook. I can let it go. On the flip side I do sometimes look at my lack of preplanning and preparation and see that is has let me down. Perhaps a more balanced use of strategy and desire would serve me more. Maybe we should adopt more business/practical/logical minds that work with our passionate hearts? What about if ALL our decisions were set to ‘successful’ by default. Now that would be blooming marvelous! We could think..’never mind..whatever..it is ALL good’.

  2. Feather Ives says:

    Wow, I think I found my next topic for my discussion class on Sunday mornings. Thank you so very much for bringing this to me. I can’t wait to watch it in full and discuss it in-depth with my young adult students.

    • indialeigh says:

      I am very heartened to hear this. What is the context of your discussions? I would be very interested to follow what your discussions uncover if you would be willing to share. I think it would be valuable for the ongoing research. I know little of the effect that social media is having on the sense of connection young adults feel to their families, peers and world at large.

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