I just realised that yesterday I had posted a missive composed of two photographs and a whole bank of white space. Sheesh, my fingers flew for 1 hour pre-noon, creating an informed piece about sculpture and the ruination of our eco-system. Bleary eyed and half delirious from lack of restful sleep (been having dreams lately that rotate from absolutely loony to really boring. I cannot believe I’m wasting dream space AND failing to make the most of my use of male protagonists. Robbie Williams was totally wasted on me three nights ago when I used my REM to sit on a kitchen stool having a ‘chat’. (Maybe Mrs Williams only allows the use of her husband’s hologram if it is free of steamy scenes and bosom heaving clinches…harsh but fair!). I’m waking for no reason and then fidgeting uncontrollably, my legs wanting to move against the wishes of my mind. Do you ever feel so tired and lifeless that the skin around your mouth seems weighted with a determination that you will not raise a smile? Mine did. It only lifted after I could stand my crabbiness any more, jumped in the car and took a trip down to the beachside town of Brighton. I’d headed down there with a mission, to bag myself some boots to keep my tootsies warm and comfy when Jack Frost turns up (ALWAYS uninvited!). It is a task that shouldn’t pose difficulty, but when you are dog tired, and animal friendly, finding a pair of low healed, vegetarian shoes that don’t either make you look like an aging goth with studs, buckles and doorstep wedges or a shuffling sensible shoe wearer the wrong side of 50…it is a trial. After three excruciating hours, zigzagging from shop to shop, hopping around and falling into pyramid sock displays, trying to pull on long boots with the lack of a flat space on which I could sit, I came away empty-handed. I wished I’d stayed in bed. I headed down to the beach. The sun was unseasonably tender. The streets heaving with shoppers and day trippers. whilst waiting (impatiently..moody..slightly haunted and totally fed up), this low, droning sound began to come to my notice. My shoulders started to rise to my gold long-drop earring and my eyes resembled a rabbit in the headlights. WTF? At that moment the pedestrian crossing began to bleep its consent to traverse the road. My head rose and pointed me in the direction of travel and a chilling wail of a hundred people finally woke me from my somatic state. They say life is a reflection of how you act but this was ridiculous…before me was a walking wall of blood soaked, hatchet ridden, eye-popping, bodice ripping ZOMBIES! I looked around at the torn bodies, some impaled with metal bars, one with a tennis racket and the laughing faces, the eyes covered with iPhones set to camera and was overcome with pride…. and annoyance. The pride was the result of seeing over 60% of the town making such a splendid effort to enjoy this collective. The annoyance welled up from my failure (yet again) to have rooted myself in one place long enough to have the energy and the awareness to be part of something bigger. Bigger than vegetarian boots, bigger than finding the right top to wear and bigger than my worries about whether I’m doing life ‘right’.
I walked around for a while. Bursting into laughter at some of the costumes and antics. Screaming when a one-eyed, lame zombie with a blood curdling ‘mwah ha ha’ ran up behind me and scared the bejesus out of me. Then headed home. My mind made up to set down some roots, get on with life, prick my helium balloon and stop me floating around on the thermals. Was I still delirious with sleep deprivation or finally ready to land? Time will tell.
13.5 hours, a good dinner, sleep and an easy awakening later I’m back on it. And tomorrow I will re-write the post that failed to save and let you know about sculptures of sugar and the memory of a purple clam the size of a smart car….should you be interested… x
p.s sorry, no pictures from the day as the ‘grumpy, not bothered’ attitude I wore whilst readying myself for the trip made me leave my camera at home. I could kick myself as my camera is usually a permanent fixture in my bag. Attitude is EVERYTHING!…. Hmph!